031

Sighs into sighs,
cradled by mountains and lies
say we’re absolved by closing our eyes
but we’re still seeing the brights of the sky
still pleading for a break from responsibility,
from owning my iridescence

no, I never thought I peaked
but I thought I was better than this,
assuming that we’d both take the heat
no, I’m not better than this

I hate my caricature, this mess,
no rejoice when you think of me now
I was a quaking mess, I confess
now I’m your worst-case, at best

I hate to understand you
when I don’t want to,
hate that I split this,
and now I can’t fix this

I’m trying, holding steady
ridges like tightropes
toeing the line,
false eminence, I know,
I’m no better than this.

017

You were never real
all the alcohol goes down and comes up
you sipped and put the frame on me
just a few, just me and you,

Carbonated scorn, you bubble up and go
sober on the road, you go
sober on the road, I don’t know

better keep steady, better watch the lines
keep another sip in the back,
keep your eyes from the sidelines

hold ’em open to the headlights
but you can sleep that way
looking ahead, staring
nothingness, say you can bear it

Spill on the pavement but
not your drink,
scrape your knees, bless
not another pour, I guess
gonna finish this, take it down

catch a wink, won’t you?
take me down to the bottom
rock bottom,
because you run on empty
I can’t live
not with you, not without you

014

I am armour holding skin
flesh too bruised to feel again
I rotate just to feel the ache
just to check on my mistakes

I cracked a rib just to let you in
a barrier not meant to break
a leap of faith to leave this place
you’re a warm touch against my soul
an invasion, a burn, I cant control

I am silver and adorned,
I run from love to stop the war
you put your lips to my throne
a naked show of flesh and bone

surrender, here falls my spine
surrender, when I say I’m fine

but walls don’t fall inside my head
these walls wont fall in your bed

013

glad for my irrelevance
every shade of blue feels like drowning
and I can see you kicking in
see the oxygen giving in

and I palm the current as you’re sinking in
feel the burden of your shrivelled skin

find the cold spot
I could give in
find the cold spot
prickling

my god,
a stasis in your particles
a faultline for this blame of mine
go, don’t go, just go
go, don’t go

just go

004

Bruising my arms on the steering wheel
all these things I’m not meant to feel,
you say you love me like I should know,
but in my head, I watch you go.

Your only hold is on my waist,
a physical space I stay encased
well versed, you eclipse my sense of self,
I lie back down, beside myself.

A warm tongue that’s out for blood,
sinking in to bring the flood,
and what–
what do we get
from a sheep
with a wolf peeking from the sleeve?

I know, I tell me “time to go,”
I wait on edge for your “although,”
like we could have stayed in bed,
you not going home instead.

What is it like to put me away
something that goes at the end your day?
What is it that you say about me,
or am I just your ambiguous “she?”

I could hate you for taking my defenses
but I’m the one taking down fences,
tracing your skin in search of more
a silent tribute to the way this endures.