beachside

coffee mixed with cream skin
washed off the taste of cigarettes
freckles against white sheets
be here beside me

don’t need to convince me,
you’ve already pulled us in,
I don’t need to see me
when I can see you

as long as you’ll keep me
cradled by oceans
I’ll be in the crease of your lips
I’ll never be broken

xox

Are we in currents together
or am I your riptide?
Do we take space up together
or are our hands just tied?
When promises start to break
can you love me anyway?
Am I the one keeping you cold
or am I the one you want to hold?
Are we running from seam splitters
and falling apart,
or embroidered together
intermingling our hearts?

xx0

got me, involuntary muscle contractions
see the kicks and the twitch in my lips
bet you can read where i’m coming from
decide to watch me become undone

but the flicks in these currents
the tremourless moments
kicks in my stomach and tight lips containing
I’m a mystery beat can’t be on my feet
but you’re turning away, yeah,
you’re turning away

my evidence isn’t needed,
hands up to my breathing
waiting for movements
when I cant get through it

feeling the switching,
these organic transitions
but we fell from different trees
so i taste salt in the breeze
while you rest beside me

got me, these chest pains
wait for the moments to ache and I stay
heart chasing this, bracing this
my circuits cant take this
just kicking myself and closing my mouth
just hear me out

if the muscle doesn’t kick
where is this coming from?
if it doesn’t kick,
why am I like this?

i cant stay in my lane anymore
i tried everything you wanted
you’re turning away,
cant take me anymore, we cant,
cant outrun these currents anymore

Y

Super rough. Been a while.

——————————————-

I check your name against the news

back in our hometown,

still saturated in bruises,

I beg my heart to slow down

slow down, please

 

 

Might find you at the grocery store

when they broadcast our songs

no car on the highway anymore

choking down the playlist, not gone

still take the floor from under me

 

Think of your car in the backyard,

The thin line of fence,

Think of you in footsteps, I always turn,

streets seem safer with strangers now,

like going inside wouldn’t be too late

 

I was warming my hands on your chest, but

now I’m locking my windows and shutting my blinds

staring at the places you used to sit

like you’d be there if I let myself blink

 

you’d buy me drinks to make me weak

erase my body and pretend to sleep

cant reconcile the memories,

cant reconcile you next to me

 

I check your name against the news

back in our hometown

still resting on the edge of a blade

still dreaming that I’ll find you there,

knowing that I’ll find you there.

x

Radio ad segments
Sincere like your sentiments
Always call the better man
New station, cant stand it
A jingle for my thoughts,
I’ll shut it off

Dialing into static dust
Half attention, look away
Hear nothing you’ve come to say
Check out until you go away
Someone else is gonna stay

Riff in like nothing new
Too familiar, you’re pushing through
Praised are the classic ones
All it takes is to play too much

Too late to read the signs
Yellow on the dotted line
Some things are always mine
Crescendo of a big mistake
You’re posturing, just taking space.

xxi

Never forgot the feeling that the house was burning down
The feeling of you coming down the stairs
Thought I had close the door to stop your storm
But crosswinds closed in
I didn’t have to let you in

I land hard on your silence
Sitting across the room
deprived of the things you’d give anyone else
but you still punish me like no one else

Thought I had arrived somewhere
with a strength that would be enough
thought I had a lock and swallowed key
but it kept me inside instead of keeping you out

Never forgot the feeling that the walls were caving in
folded on my knees, resist the urge to breathe
keep my back to the ceiling and my heart on the floor
make me so small I am nothing at all

make me so small I am nothing at all.

Funeral

Sit by your wineglass like a funeral
a kitchen just like a pew
never thought I’d be here like this
spilled my soul out
to a dirty floor,
sold my soul out
to a revolving door

and I can’t stop thinking
as I look at the ceiling where
champagne has wet and dried
where celebrations came to die

what if I had put my plate
a little to the left,
what if I had done would you said,
would we be in the right place?
would we be sleeping in bed?

A 30 second window,
now I sleep alone instead.








xx2

I am am a parody of me
dressed in your confetti,
I drink to being feeble and weak

Could I make you laugh, this time?
Would I be better this way,
a glass in hand and foot displaced,
would you laugh just to give me a break?

Slither of it up my sleeves,
my chest feels bare and I’m scared
could you just acknowledge me,
tell me I’m not a freak?

I leave prints
sliding down walls
craving doorknobs to another place
no rattles, no, no searching for me.

Could you just see the monkey and her cymbal,
the seal and her horn,
a solo-spectacular, set to silent,
for all the noise I think I’m making,
could you just hear me out?

xx4

I said, “don’t you want to wait
for the taxi to arrive?”
but you took it in stride,
give up to the rain
and I went back inside

It was just the breathing,
crescendo of believing
but you sit on my chest
no rise-then-fall,
no, just gasp and crawl

The space in my lungs
I saved for you,
the whistle out-and-in,
ears full of your wind,
so ready to have you in,

I asked, “Why didn’t you?”
but these vocal cues
sink to my stomach and
I could never ask,
Why didn’t you?
why didn’t you?


066

I’m fine, not just getting by,
wear my coat for getting warm
delete your favourite stations
be bored by my own.

I’m fine, just getting high,
burn a hole into my throat
while I yell into my phone
but I’m fine, I’m getting by,


Just cut my hair and changed my clothes,
it’s fine,
just shedding off skin
make you notice that it’s good,
it’s all fine

cant see the tag on my dress
might return it, I guess,
spend hours browsing stores
narrate meetings to my clothes
it’s fine

tell you all the best,
while I slow my step
so you can tell I’m fine
I’m more than getting by.