the lion

i don’t always feel like talking
but i keep talking
twist my tongue against
unreciprocating ears
but i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you
how i’m naive and free

swallow hard on your reactions
muscles lock and release
juggling postures and presence
facing the door
you’re going to leave me, i know

it doesn’t unwind my my spine
my posturing so you know the me
i want you to know
talking to tell you, so you know,
i’m fine, it’s all fine, we’re just fine

posture of a lion with a lingering bark
but no bite, just trying to rewrite this
mind me, please, i’m harmless
just want to disarm this
ticking in my head
ticking in my head

catch words by the metronome
cant even hear myself talk, no,
turn off the sound to talk down the excess
know, i’m just delivering what i know
know i’m chasing electricity

caricature in me
i don’t always feel like talking
but i twist my tongue against
my own fears

xx0

got me, involuntary muscle contractions
see the kicks and the twitch in my lips
bet you can read where i’m coming from
decide to watch me become undone

but the flicks in these currents
the tremourless moments
kicks in my stomach and tight lips containing
I’m a mystery beat can’t be on my feet
but you’re turning away, yeah,
you’re turning away

my evidence isn’t needed,
hands up to my breathing
waiting for movements
when I cant get through it

feeling the switching,
these organic transitions
but we fell from different trees
so i taste salt in the breeze
while you rest beside me

got me, these chest pains
wait for the moments to ache and I stay
heart chasing this, bracing this
my circuits cant take this
just kicking myself and closing my mouth
just hear me out

if the muscle doesn’t kick
where is this coming from?
if it doesn’t kick,
why am I like this?

i cant stay in my lane anymore
i tried everything you wanted
you’re turning away,
cant take me anymore, we cant,
cant outrun these currents anymore

059

Am I just the bear,
drinking in the irony,
precariously free,
I don’t know

do you see both eyes open
in the dark
chasing down pictures
I paint from my madness
stop, stop,
I can’t hear over your
eyes, can’t hear over your
I don’t–

Am I just the bear
screaming out in agony
crawling for respite,
am I the hunter that seeks,
am I the gun?

Am I my own fall,
chin up for the shot
playing for a bullet to dodge
play it safe, I still want it all

back to back,
polar, bi–
so much bitterness?
never see behind me
just shame at the sight of me

taking turns basking in glows but
I never know who’s inside of me
can’t tell who is beside me.

100 Word Challenge: Disconnecting

Prompt 001: to his horror, he realized he had been this way before.

To his horror, he realized he had been this way before. To be lost, it seemed, was not nearly as unsettling as finding a place so familiar. His stomach churned. Did they know he would be here?

He choked the sickness down. He blurred his eyes to obscure what his nose and ears could not. Reality folded beneath him. He wondered if this place might be worse than death.

He could starve out the familiar by being found. His heart bleeding on the gritty earth instead of this.

As if he could be found, when there is nobody looking.

022

I wanted to tell you
I’ll be late
or nowhere at all

to let you know I’ll be home
but please don’t check on me
I’m nowhere
at all

I wanted to tell you
I stand in a fog
there’s nothing
at all

I wanted to show you
my throat has cracked
I couldn’t speak,
not about that

I wanted to tell you
I’m sorry I stayed
don’t know how you could love me
not after that.

011

Snowstorm state of mind
Just crafting out more lies
Bet you believed me then
I can see you believe me now

Silence as your skin is on my skin
Can’t say how much I hate to let you in
I’m turning inside out
Waiting for you to fall asleep again
so I can politely peel you off

I rage at your compassion as you wait
Hating all the kindness, I hide my face
Sick of my heart beating out of sync
I’d do anything to stop you listening

A statuesque matter of fact
The coward is as she appears,
Easier to run and not look back
Even if the storm front seems to pass

Bet you think I needed to hear that
Like you could melt my glaciers
But the comedown is for distance
Not from your well-versed warmth.

010

Slipping into monochrome

forget the things I used to know

 

all I think about is fleeing

I’m sleeping for the chance of dreaming

leave a life to keep from being

I’ll give this up, no more feeling

 

I can’t stomach this sense of staying

the monotony, the praying

telling me to keep waiting

 

but there’s a luxury in saying

but not knowing,

in telling me I’m just growing

 

and in crafting gratitude I hold my spite

let you martyr in my fight

you wait for me to take my place

but I can’t rinse this off my face.

006

I sit awake at night

and weigh the pills

against any inclination to sleep,

none.


I am two half circles of darkness

encasing fatigued seas,

I am a leper to dreamland,

a short circuit that feeds

a waking fear from

any sliver of sound,

imaginary feet on the ground.


I close my eyes

to raindrops that used to feel safe

when tapping on the window pane

and I fear the intruder

the ghost that lives inside of me.


You’re waking as I put my head down,

turn away from the blood vessels that

split the sky

miss the spilling from my eyes

laugh off the memory lapse

can’t think of where I was at

can’t think

where

was I at?