moodphases

I need to move but I cant
Narrate my scenes before
Getting to the stand

knots in my hair and
nails split, I can’t do it
I can’t do a thing

you say you love me but
you can’t mean it

too torn up to elevate a lie
try to warm you
there is no fire

hey, how’re you doing?
did you have fun?
jokes on you,
looks like its done

please don’t leave me
but i know you could leave me now
air out the bedsheets
knock me down

when i get lower, I’ll have to
touch the ground

tried to tell you
to try and believe in me
you tell your friends you need me

now I’m too tired
to defend me
broken up about a man
who wouldn’t protect me

I need to move but I cant
narrate my scenes in
retrospect

did you have fun?

61

I’m your little darkling
brighten up just to burn out
you hold me well
never feeling skin

I’ll be you punchline
believe your empty platitudes
you’ll fill me with holes
and I’ll become less of me

I’ll undo it all someday
learn to heed the lighthouse warning
beg the light back into me
gift your dark back from me.






058

brace for impact
a tenfold landing on your lips
I can’t think back to what you said
when you ring loud
I remember it in silence

keeping to coffee cups, all too white
diluting your bitter tone
not enough to erase an afterthought
resting in supine, I say nothing.

057

I can’t think anymore
you’ve finally taken me down
a cup tipped over,
stalled out on all roads,
full in all this space,
I cant,
there’s no room

I don’t bet on it, but
I bet you know this
I’m embroidered by this scar tissue,
the maps you left on me
leading me to empty streets

I know you left me first
I hear your plans from other people
bury you in my anger
I guess we ruined everything

I had my feet on the ground
so sure, had my arms to the wind
thought I was so free
but running brought no sheath
to the dagger that you leave

you’ve finally found your out
leave me responsible for myself
leave me cluttered and spent

I chase you in my dreams
a fractured sort of sleep
maybe we miss each other
even if we had to go,
maybe it’s never leaving
if I can’t let you go.

056

How do I always know
greed in your powerplay
always have to set it up
a certain way,
be the last one speaking,
have to light things up
in my face

I keep saying, “this is it,”
I keep saying
I can bury love into a rage
swear I’m done, slip away
I mean it this time,
but you’re a fire in my mind

I don’t trust my own eyes
in and out of love, surprise,
you take up space in me
hold your place in me

can’t take love beyond
the vibration of an eardrum,
silencing kindness, I know,
you remind me
I don’t deserve it

I’m still trying to be okay
when it comes to
unlearning what you say
always said you’d try again
force me to stay

Not sure how to be okay
when love feels this way
Not sure how to say
I still love you anyway.

055

I am on many lows
while you’re trying to go slow
now I’m kissed by sand and cold
bare skin flecked silver and gold

I keep my thumb against my throat
a blooming gun for my last note
flay to find the heart, so remote
miss it and I’d never really know

can’t find peace in my own head
tired enough to defer to you in bed
stay put so I’ll never make you cry.

054

Hanging on your every inflection
to see if I’m in there somewhere
let me be your one exception
I could be your prayer

stopped my autopilot
trying to surpass my drunken feet
smother my inner riot
think you could make me complete

I rearranged the queue for you
caged the fluttering inside of me
rehearsed my breathing to force through
bruised my knees when I fell for you.

053

We are instantaneous
twisted arms and shoulder charms
I stand entangled, you leave me anchored
resting in your car

turbulent and serene,
you are every single light
on my way home

We are spilling
into each other’s seas
take me down to my knees
I’ll never ever leave

turbulent and serene,
you are every single breeze
rustle of the trees

We bloom on the brighter side
a daisy kissed open sky
no peripherals or weary sighs
I’ll hold you when the dark arrives.

 

051

There is a break between words
that comes when we fight
a borderland we share alone

quiet wars over who suffers more
who gets the bed, who sleeps on the couch?
how long can we go without looking
to see if someone is letting up?

Is that sound a deliberate slight?
are you telling yourself it’s time to bow out?
I wonder each time, “Is this it?”
ending it all in my head
before he says it

I’m packing boxes in my head
while we’re sitting in bed,

I’m sitting on the curb in my head
even if we’re in bed

I’ll always be inside my head.

 

047

Arms out the window
to feel the rain
salted wounds
I’d cut right through
this memory is all you

Blister in the warm spots
cemented blame
I’d hijack the season
drive you insane

salting your windows
to hold on your focus
if I keep you inside
I guess I’ll stay free

I don’t know what it is
didn’t know until I was gone
I really loved the breeze, but
couldn’t stand what was wrong

I was chasing licks of the sea
when you crashed into me
I was just passing by
when we became the sea.