031

I rest my head on your shoulder
you take the picture and let me go
take the picture and I don’t know,
if it’s all the same to you,
I don’t want it this way

You light a cigarette
ducking under an umbrella
going out into the rain
I taste the smoke as you go,
if it’s all the same to you,
I’m a little over the burn

You sit on the edge of the room now
indentations in the middle cushion
where you used to be,
won’t retract, no welcome back,
if it’s all the same to you,
I think I’m gonna spread out now

I’d show up for you out of love,
ride the aisle seat so you can see
be a window ornament
while you sit on your phone,
If it’s all the same to you,
I think I should sleep.

smooth white, you find the walls
more interesting than my eyes,
your drink is a better walk
than a walk with me,
If it’s all the same to you
I think this is it.

027

You were my first
thought I was going to be shockproof
until I was running away from you
tripping on my words, I
just couldn’t get it right

tricking my footing,
you were winding me up to fall
just so you could catch my arm
and I could thank you for the bruise

any tentative foot forward was a test
black ice patches to frozen leaves
when I move slowly it lets you know
I feel your tactics ready to go

It’s like being up high
from bears circling like sharks,
the illusion you afford me
I could be safe from the ground,
but reality catches me
preparing to fall down

all so I can thank you
for scattering my bones in the mud
lest another monster may need a sign
that I’m not worth the game.

025

smelling air freshener in your car
burns from the seat buckle
I get these excerpts, still
where you seem to be right here

I keep going to
The places we used to go,
they don’t wait for us to carry on;
the parks and their lilies
are paved with new cities
for the next somebody like me

I lose my focus just to see you clear
lights from the cars chasing your laugh
adoringly, you said I was the brightest spark
but when my sight comes back
it’s nothing like that
just highway traffic and night sky

teach me how to lay still in my grave
if this melancholy should stay,
teach me how to endure when
the cities intend to stay

better yet,
teach me that I’ll be okay
even though you couldn’t stay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

022

I wanted to tell you
I’ll be late
or nowhere at all

to let you know I’ll be home
but please don’t check on me
I’m nowhere
at all

I wanted to tell you
I stand in a fog
there’s nothing
at all

I wanted to show you
my throat has cracked
I couldn’t speak,
not about that

I wanted to tell you
I’m sorry I stayed
don’t know how you could love me
not after that.

021

Counting ribs in the night
little notches from silly fights
the framework for things said in spite
we face our walls to sleep at night

Too scared to say what’s on my mind
the way you make up things to find
my inner sinner, you speculate,
you’re a saint to tolerate

my inferiority like a bitten lip,
holding me down between sips
when you say you love who I am
you’re full of shit, a martyred man

Kiss me on the surface, bleeding
your teeth always out, feeding
I wear the skin you weave for me
stretched thin against the knees

tethered to you by my neck
you nestle in this little wreck
uprooting all the things I know,
I’m the champion of letting go.

 

020

Airport breathing, morning leaving
The smell of coffee cups and toothpaste
My God, you just gave it up

Sleepy people leaving seasons,
Coming and going, don’t know their reasons
Not sure where there is left to go
walking in circles, maybe someday I’ll know

Stand in arrivals for nobody at all
no clutching tickets or hearing that call
no luggage or passports
just exits and glass doors

You departed remiss
but it seems you planned this
tanked and sunken,
our crippled dysfunction

Splitting armrests with strangers
ignore the phonecalls, polite exchanges
still got your house key and that locket,

treat me like a souvenir,
but you lost it.

 

 

019

I am your slowest burn
you didn’t know I was here
breeding a quiet yearn,

coniferous rage,
you were a wasteland before you knew it
could have been forever but you blew it

a little bit of tugging at seams
nothing between you and me
is it the absence of feeling
or the way you’re leaving?

before the fire lit
bet you thought you had it
like it was a spillover you missed
won’t make that mistake again

some sort of fire watch, but you
weren’t looking out for me
sow your skeletons and seeds,
the barren and the rage

smoke signals, I was just leaving
particles to choke on, no breathing
bet you didn’t expect to be laid bare
bet you didn’t expect how little I care.

 

 

017

You were never real
all the alcohol goes down and comes up
you sipped and put the frame on me
just a few, just me and you,

Carbonated scorn, you bubble up and go
sober on the road, you go
sober on the road, I don’t know

better keep steady, better watch the lines
keep another sip in the back,
keep your eyes from the sidelines

hold ’em open to the headlights
but you can sleep that way
looking ahead, staring
nothingness, say you can bear it

Spill on the pavement but
not your drink,
scrape your knees, bless
not another pour, I guess
gonna finish this, take it down

catch a wink, won’t you?
take me down to the bottom
rock bottom,
because you run on empty
I can’t live
not with you, not without you

016

you say my atmosphere has no gravity
can’t get close enough to feel a pull
can’t seem to let anyone in

think you’d be a great almost for me,
burning up in the static
can’t bring myself to you

god, I wish I could

think you’d be a great view for me,
like you might radiate enough
that I might just feel your sun

god, I wish I could

but I’m a perpetual hit and miss,
perpetual forget-about-this,
all teeth and no kiss

god, if I were not so bruised
I wish you would

014

I am armour holding skin
flesh too bruised to feel again
I rotate just to feel the ache
just to check on my mistakes

I cracked a rib just to let you in
a barrier not meant to break
a leap of faith to leave this place
you’re a warm touch against my soul
an invasion, a burn, I cant control

I am silver and adorned,
I run from love to stop the war
you put your lips to my throne
a naked show of flesh and bone

surrender, here falls my spine
surrender, when I say I’m fine

but walls don’t fall inside my head
these walls wont fall in your bed