053

We are instantaneous
twisted arms and shoulder charms
I stand entangled, you leave me anchored
resting in your car

turbulent and serene,
you are every single light
on my way home

We are spilling
into each other’s seas
take me down to my knees
I’ll never ever leave

turbulent and serene,
you are every single breeze
rustle of the trees

We bloom on the brighter side
a daisy kissed open sky
no peripherals or weary sighs
I’ll hold you when the dark arrives.

 

046

Washing your hands out of my hair
we were always like watering weeds
not bothering with what could grow
but I pretend the suds are you
leaving the room
this one last time

I wasted my time and gave you the rest of it
thought the hardest parts were over
until I was begging you to stay with me instead
why wouldn’t you stay and sleep instead?

We didn’t talk about it
until it was too hard to talk about it
by then I already figured it out
you looked so much better somewhere else

I’m not afraid of the same things anymore,
don’t wonder how to sleep alone or
doubt you’ve locked the front door
I still roll over to see if you’re sleeping
but you’re just a ghost and I’m only dreaming

I wonder what you do now, just before bed
if you open windows just to hear the sound
of late night busses rolling into town,
a fixation on something familiar in bed
my old apartment, dark in your head

we were always like watering weeds
not bothering with what could grow
spreading in cities, boy, are we pretty
still searching for somewhere to be.

043

She’s pretty and I’m lonely
until I know I’m not good enough
I know how this goes,
I’ll leave another one behind

I think I’m riding it out
and she’s got room for another fuck up
so I stay, I think I’ll just stay

Don’t think she knows my name,
but I swallow hers like hard candy
and hold it in my throat
while she sneaks a smile

I think I’m the earth’s core
lower than dirt,
burn everybody out
but she doesn’t see
she’s above me

a hangover for my mistakes,
the way I waste this space
she wakes up like the
smell of coffee

and I’m glad.

035

sheltering your mug from the cold
I could feel the chips in ceramic
the residue of you quitting
a memory lost to a dirty sink
did we ever even meet?

drink our coffee apart now
stale in your memory
I trace rings and see things
but mostly your car
in the parking lot

I think it was about the view,
or maybe the open-concept
so you could see through me
just by coming in the door
I’ve heard this before:
transparency kills the chase

but you liked my banter
and the freckle on my neck
you told me your stories
things I’ll never forget

I drink my coffee alone now
new tin in the cupboard, but I
can’t let go of your flavour
your mug not in my sink.

 

034

I counted the days since you left
until I could not count anymore

You`re the one who told me
I was going to be great
a fondness for the candour,
my scathing sort of wit

I counted the days since I last saw you
until the numbers stopped coming

credit where credit is due,
I gave my life all to you
the power of dreaming
with this empty feeling
I am because of you

I buried your last words
so deep I couldn`t hear them
my heart sinks to your faith
god, I wish you could stay

you were the place
where being believed wasn`t
so unbelievable at all

I counted the days since I last saw you
until it was just our moments
coming

until it was our moments leaving.

032

islands in your iris,
I can see the sea in you
the crash of waves
the whites in your eyes,
singed salt, and I
I’m just fragments
to your conscience

but I can hear you,
the quiet rumble inside you
hushed by fatigue
can’t begin to lift your feet
but when you stare
it’s like I’m completely there
like you’re fully aware

Maybe I’ve just forgotten
the way it feels to be
swallowed alive, kept by
the irrelevance of the world
just to be near to you

I know the way it looks
the island, in a breath,
swallowed by the sea–
and you won’t see me anymore
tides away,
you were very much
of many things,
but mostly very much
of the sea.

 

 

031

Sighs into sighs,
cradled by mountains and lies
say we’re absolved by closing our eyes
but we’re still seeing the brights of the sky
still pleading for a break from responsibility,
from owning my iridescence

no, I never thought I peaked
but I thought I was better than this,
assuming that we’d both take the heat
no, I’m not better than this

I hate my caricature, this mess,
no rejoice when you think of me now
I was a quaking mess, I confess
now I’m your worst-case, at best

I hate to understand you
when I don’t want to,
hate that I split this,
and now I can’t fix this

I’m trying, holding steady
ridges like tightropes
toeing the line,
false eminence, I know,
I’m no better than this.

031

I rest my head on your shoulder
you take the picture and let me go
take the picture and I don’t know,
if it’s all the same to you,
I don’t want it this way

You light a cigarette
ducking under an umbrella
going out into the rain
I taste the smoke as you go,
if it’s all the same to you,
I’m a little over the burn

You sit on the edge of the room now
indentations in the middle cushion
where you used to be,
won’t retract, no welcome back,
if it’s all the same to you,
I think I’m gonna spread out now

I’d show up for you out of love,
ride the aisle seat so you can see
be a window ornament
while you sit on your phone,
If it’s all the same to you,
I think I should sleep.

smooth white, you find the walls
more interesting than my eyes,
your drink is a better walk
than a walk with me,
If it’s all the same to you
I think this is it.

030

Here comes that dropoff again,
an underwater ledge
I’m always prepared to swim
so I can get around to sinking

it’s just the way you scratch my back
and tangle my spine
and I’ll sit upright unable to speak
a holdout I will always lose

I catch my breath too slow, I know
can’t take your weaponized observations
choking on sips that feel like spite
throat closing on some cherried lies,
another monkey in the cage

I’m radical and unruly
the crazy and wild,
twisted to your spinning lies
the burden is not my mistake
but you’re here to load the weight

but I am fickle, a pending explosion
a timebomb, search and destroy
tear me so you can watch
disarm me so you can revel
in what you make of me

my stomach sinking into the sea,
I can see this is why you had me
bless, a human into a novelty,
innocence is paved in myth
when you could have asked
and you never did.

025

smelling air freshener in your car
burns from the seat buckle
I get these excerpts, still
where you seem to be right here

I keep going to
The places we used to go,
they don’t wait for us to carry on;
the parks and their lilies
are paved with new cities
for the next somebody like me

I lose my focus just to see you clear
lights from the cars chasing your laugh
adoringly, you said I was the brightest spark
but when my sight comes back
it’s nothing like that
just highway traffic and night sky

teach me how to lay still in my grave
if this melancholy should stay,
teach me how to endure when
the cities intend to stay

better yet,
teach me that I’ll be okay
even though you couldn’t stay.