the lion

i don’t always feel like talking
but i keep talking
twist my tongue against
unreciprocating ears
but i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you, i’ll tell you
how i’m naive and free

swallow hard on your reactions
muscles lock and release
juggling postures and presence
facing the door
you’re going to leave me, i know

it doesn’t unwind my my spine
my posturing so you know the me
i want you to know
talking to tell you, so you know,
i’m fine, it’s all fine, we’re just fine

posture of a lion with a lingering bark
but no bite, just trying to rewrite this
mind me, please, i’m harmless
just want to disarm this
ticking in my head
ticking in my head

catch words by the metronome
cant even hear myself talk, no,
turn off the sound to talk down the excess
know, i’m just delivering what i know
know i’m chasing electricity

caricature in me
i don’t always feel like talking
but i twist my tongue against
my own fears

xx0

got me, involuntary muscle contractions
see the kicks and the twitch in my lips
bet you can read where i’m coming from
decide to watch me become undone

but the flicks in these currents
the tremourless moments
kicks in my stomach and tight lips containing
I’m a mystery beat can’t be on my feet
but you’re turning away, yeah,
you’re turning away

my evidence isn’t needed,
hands up to my breathing
waiting for movements
when I cant get through it

feeling the switching,
these organic transitions
but we fell from different trees
so i taste salt in the breeze
while you rest beside me

got me, these chest pains
wait for the moments to ache and I stay
heart chasing this, bracing this
my circuits cant take this
just kicking myself and closing my mouth
just hear me out

if the muscle doesn’t kick
where is this coming from?
if it doesn’t kick,
why am I like this?

i cant stay in my lane anymore
i tried everything you wanted
you’re turning away,
cant take me anymore, we cant,
cant outrun these currents anymore

Y

Super rough. Been a while.

——————————————-

I check your name against the news

back in our hometown,

still saturated in bruises,

I beg my heart to slow down

slow down, please

 

 

Might find you at the grocery store

when they broadcast our songs

no car on the highway anymore

choking down the playlist, not gone

still take the floor from under me

 

Think of your car in the backyard,

The thin line of fence,

Think of you in footsteps, I always turn,

streets seem safer with strangers now,

like going inside wouldn’t be too late

 

I was warming my hands on your chest, but

now I’m locking my windows and shutting my blinds

staring at the places you used to sit

like you’d be there if I let myself blink

 

you’d buy me drinks to make me weak

erase my body and pretend to sleep

cant reconcile the memories,

cant reconcile you next to me

 

I check your name against the news

back in our hometown

still resting on the edge of a blade

still dreaming that I’ll find you there,

knowing that I’ll find you there.

x

Radio ad segments
Sincere like your sentiments
Always call the better man
New station, cant stand it
A jingle for my thoughts,
I’ll shut it off

Dialing into static dust
Half attention, look away
Hear nothing you’ve come to say
Check out until you go away
Someone else is gonna stay

Riff in like nothing new
Too familiar, you’re pushing through
Praised are the classic ones
All it takes is to play too much

Too late to read the signs
Yellow on the dotted line
Some things are always mine
Crescendo of a big mistake
You’re posturing, just taking space.

xxi

Never forgot the feeling that the house was burning down
The feeling of you coming down the stairs
Thought I had close the door to stop your storm
But crosswinds closed in
I didn’t have to let you in

I land hard on your silence
Sitting across the room
deprived of the things you’d give anyone else
but you still punish me like no one else

Thought I had arrived somewhere
with a strength that would be enough
thought I had a lock and swallowed key
but it kept me inside instead of keeping you out

Never forgot the feeling that the walls were caving in
folded on my knees, resist the urge to breathe
keep my back to the ceiling and my heart on the floor
make me so small I am nothing at all

make me so small I am nothing at all.

Funeral

Sit by your wineglass like a funeral
a kitchen just like a pew
never thought I’d be here like this
spilled my soul out
to a dirty floor,
sold my soul out
to a revolving door

and I can’t stop thinking
as I look at the ceiling where
champagne has wet and dried
where celebrations came to die

what if I had put my plate
a little to the left,
what if I had done would you said,
would we be in the right place?
would we be sleeping in bed?

A 30 second window,
now I sleep alone instead.








xx2

I am am a parody of me
dressed in your confetti,
I drink to being feeble and weak

Could I make you laugh, this time?
Would I be better this way,
a glass in hand and foot displaced,
would you laugh just to give me a break?

Slither of it up my sleeves,
my chest feels bare and I’m scared
could you just acknowledge me,
tell me I’m not a freak?

I leave prints
sliding down walls
craving doorknobs to another place
no rattles, no, no searching for me.

Could you just see the monkey and her cymbal,
the seal and her horn,
a solo-spectacular, set to silent,
for all the noise I think I’m making,
could you just hear me out?

xx4

I said, “don’t you want to wait
for the taxi to arrive?”
but you took it in stride,
give up to the rain
and I went back inside

It was just the breathing,
crescendo of believing
but you sit on my chest
no rise-then-fall,
no, just gasp and crawl

The space in my lungs
I saved for you,
the whistle out-and-in,
ears full of your wind,
so ready to have you in,

I asked, “Why didn’t you?”
but these vocal cues
sink to my stomach and
I could never ask,
Why didn’t you?
why didn’t you?


xxx

I’m your holiday from thinking,
respite from the drinking,
just take a breath and say it,
I know it’s easy for you,
please just say it

no need to feel your pain
if you can hide it in me,
you can pull back, not narrate,
I’ll take your feelings
in absence of words.

I’ll be your reason to go,
not to sit by the fire and smoke,
the catalyst for your storm, but,
you’ll be held to your stories
when I’m heading back home.

xxx

Wrote emails instead of talking,
check me,
I know you don’t mean it but I do,
headphones but I’m cutting through
scream in streets while people sleep

We leave sanity and take it down
reverse the energy, take it back
like safety in slander
excuses to say it all
we walk further and further away

I’ll sit in rooms with you
apart from you,
feel the tension in you, but,
I want you to know,
you don’t know

I’m the better of us
the rise-above-your-words,
articulate you better
better than you can
I’m the wiser of us,
Tell you how to grow,
no, tell you that you won’t.